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Well, if you're reading this it means my journal block glitch is resolved. This is a shorter version of the explanation I sent to the people who reached out to message me personally when my absence was noted so you folks do not need to read this one.
For others, it may seem that "I'm now back" but I was never "gone". However, I have been here 'less'.
I feel I need to decrease the time I am spending on FS; what began with using the food diary and the occasional posting of a couple of sentences in a journal has evolved into a very consuming process. In a place where 'everything in moderation' is preached, I've allowed myself to slip very slowly to a point where I am logging, reading, posting, commenting and journaling about 7 to 8 hours throughout day. It is affecting my life.
I'm actually okay with the time I've 'lived here' the past couple of months because I know that my weight gain and health issues (blood sugar & cholesterol) were the result of a lack of focus on ME for the past few years. I'd already lost about 30lbs when I joined FS but was proceeding with it in my old (bad) ways. It was justified for me to take the time and get the help I needed during the initial phase of learning new skills for coping with my eating disorder. Doing it via FS was incredibly successful. But now it is time to return some of my focus to my day to day life.
So with that, I am going to continue to weigh and log my food diary daily but only journal weekly. I will do my very best to resume reading and responding to other's journals as time allows. I will also check the inbox for messages when I log on daily to record my food for anyone who wants to contact me personally.
Some people asked if my absence was a 'funk' over the weight plateau. In the event you wondered the same, be assured, it was not. The past week or so I've tried to increase my intake; I had thought by staying above 1200 cal a day on average I would avoid a metabolism standoff but I guess age and biology are toying with me as I still haven't lost or gained since 12/22. Then again, it could just be my body adjusting - when I reflect that I lost 65lbs in four months I have to acknowledge that was pretty fast. And it could just be God testing me to determine if I'm serious about my commitment to health. Time will tell. Whatever it is, I am in the best health for my weight I've ever been. When I was a size two, I was a complete wreck emotionally as I had starved and purged myself down the scale.
Thanks to Fat Secret I'm feeling more confident about my food choices, avoiding emotional eating and binges and not allowed myself to get so wrapped up in the scale that I let it affect my sanity and choices.
Thanks to Fat Secret I finally dined out Saturday and Sunday and actually ate and enjoyed the food. The past few times dining out my comfort level with 'unknown food' was inhibiting my ability to enjoy the experience. The result was frustration from paying for the experience of staring at untouched food.
Saturday when my friend suggested 'Mexican' I'd groaned inside thinking 'oh no... cheese enchiladas' but actually selected, by choice (not regret) a great Ceviche and it was fabulous. I didn't overeat to a feeling of being stuffed. We went to a live theater afterward and I had a pack of Mentos. But that was it. No 'gee, I've just eaten a whole pack of candy, may as well blow the rest of my day with bad eating.'
On Sunday I actually walked OUT (politely after paying the full check) of a different restaurant when it became evident my choice of what appeared the most healthy possibility on the menu
(tortilla soup) was in fact (not). While this reads as a repeat of my earlier issue, it was not. We went elsewhere and (a different friend) paid the tab there. So I consider it a victory in not eating unhealthy but not going hungry either. We went to an Italian restaurant and I enjoyed the chicken vegetable soup with ziti and a garlic roll mindfully and in moderation. I enjoyed the tastes and stopped when my hunger was abated. This tells me I finally have a really good, sane grip on putting my health first and am making better food choices instinctively as well as sticking up for myself.
And I'm also pleased to note I have now completed 21plus days of walking on my treadmill twice a day. While it hasn't become an addiction, it has put me 40plus miles closer to a regular comfortable habit. I have been able to delay it in the morning to a time when I've had breakfast and am awake without foregoing it altogether (no successful sabatoge talk) and even when I've been out running errands until later in the evening I still do my walk. It just feels right - like brushing my teeth or showering. That's a good thing. I'm actually considering a recumbent elliptical ~ another first for me: considering more exercise. I'm just proceeding carefully on that one to be sure it's not being driven by my compulsive gene.
I feel so blessed that God sent me FatSecret and my many good buddies. You are all so inspirational and encouraging and supportive. I've made some really good friends and learned so much. This was an unexpected but truly rewarding part of this journey.
Bless you and please do continue to take care of YOU. I'll be around daily, just not as much journaling and commenting. Reach out to me anytime.
Bella
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1676 kcal
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Grasa: 38,09g | Prot: 98,00g | Carbh: 232,03g.
Desayuno: Everyday Turkey Bacon, Vanilla Nonfat Yogurt, Schwans Mixed Berries, Muesli, Creamer, Coffee. Almuerzo: Milk, Salmon Patty, Spinach, Schwans Salmon Burger, Schwans Steamed Green Beans. Cena: Olives, Crisps, RDI Survival Soup. Pasa Bocas / Otros: Halls Vitamin, Reeses miniatures, Sargento String cheese, Schwans Mixed Berries, Apple. más...
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