Diario de melissatwa, 18 nov. 19

I feel disappointed with myself after a truly wonderful, busy weekend. International, college students, who are friends of my kids and represent nine countries, came and "partied" at our house on Friday. It was absolutely so much fun. I took this picture after five already needed to leave. They ate and played games and danced and sang... it was so beautiful! Thee of my kids are in the picture. I think we are going to make it a weekly or biweekly event. Also,This was my last bouquet of roses from my bushes for the year. It decorated my table which served 27. I made gallons of chicken curry, vegetable, chickpea soup. We had lots of homemade cookies, bars, and bread. I didn't show restraint with my eating, and I am up in weight... so much so that I was too ashamed to record it the next day, my usual recording day. I would have lost my "blue line." I feel dishonest with myself. I know I have to pick myself up and move on. I feel weak and tired of being careful all the time. After ten months, I just want to forget about monitoring every single thing that goes into my mouth either by weighting or measuring or trying to gauge if my body needs the food or if I have balanced it enough with exercise. I just want to be lazy and relax and eat whatever I want. But do I really? I know that really doesn't make me happy. I have worked too hard to "let go," and I am not going to do it! I fasted yesterday and am only a tiny bit over my RDI today. I have no expectation that this should be easy. Sometimes it really is easier. I know that many things make it harder for me like not as much sunlight, too much salt and sugar, lots of stress... hormones. I have many, tough eating events coming up. I just have to hang on to my determination to not let up.

Ver Calendario de Dieta, 18 noviembre 2019:
1890 kcal Grasa: 48,05g | Prot: 69,01g | Carbh: 279,79g.   Desayuno: Oatmeal, Brown Sugar, Great Value Organic Ground Flax Seed, Blueberries, Market Pantry Half & Half. Almuerzo: White Table Wine , Sweet Tomatoes Three Bean Turkey Chili (Low-Fat), Cuties Mandarin Orange, Apples . Cena: Simple Truth Lentil Vegetable Soup . Pasa Bocas / Otros: General Mills Chex Mix Traditional. más...

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Comentarios 
You don't need to impress anyone on here with your weights. You need to work this app in a way that helps you crush your goals. I am no longer commenting on my gains and losses but if others want to...that's fine. I'm only here for me. You are a great inspiration to me and I look up to you not just because of your weight loss (because truly there are more important things in life)but just in the way you carry yourself and the things you post. You are a wonderful wife and mother and disappointment because you enjoyed yourself and indulged while making lasting memories with your family is unnecessary and counterproductive. I don't think that relaxing and not measuring should be a goal for everyone. Being able to eat intuitively, while awesome for some, is NOT the mark of having success. YOU, my friend, are the mark of success. You have come very far and I have no doubt you will continue to maintain and meet your goals. I will never not count my calories. It's not something I'm longing for. It keeps me accountable and I love it. Do what works for you because you inspire me! 💕😘 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: davidsprincess
Oh Melissa, Don’t be hard on yourself. You are being the ‘mom’ away from mom for these big kiddos. I’ve often done similar. Enjoying the food with them makes the evening that much more enjoyable. Nothing worse than being in a celebration and seeing someone ‘suffer’ because they feel they cannot enjoy some great food and great company. You will be fine, and be remembered by these kids years from now. I still remember those adults who took me under their wing and fed me at their houses during my university and college days as I was also far, far from home. This means more to them than you’ll know. It’s memories for years to come!! 🥰🥰❤️❤️ PS. I think we all focus on food consumption too much, wether it’s too much food, or too little food. Food is not our enemy, I think it’s our thoughts of food that steals our joy. I’ve found my happy place with food I believe and to have control over it, instead of it controlling me is pure freedom. Sorry for this long post. I’ve learned so much on fs from those who do not allow me to follow them any longer for whatever reason, I do not know, but I am thankful for the time I could and the foundation they set and allowed me to learn from them, though it was short, I’ll move forward alone and build on it the best I can. 😊😊 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: wifey9707
Melissa- it was fun! I am sure you had a wonderful time and that counts for a lot. Try to take the emotions out of the equation when looking at your food consumption. You made a comment that you could have made better choices. Likely you could have. As you said you want to repeat this joyous occasion and have more occasions coming up just make a plan of how you can tweak your eating ahead of time. Then make an effort to follow that plan. If it isn't all you wanted it to be tweak it again. You are on a life long journey so lots of time to make course corrections. Also it is all about habits and habits of thought. In the end, trust your habits to pull you through! I bet your choices were much better than they were when you started this journey. Celebrate that as well as reaching for the next level of choice making! 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: 59Carol
Great pictures 💚💚 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: khrissy85
Oh Melissa! You have hit your goal. At this point you should be able to just enjoy a social occasion with NO guilt. Don't beat yourself up for having unrestrained fun. A few days of "good eating" & you'll be back to where you want to be. A few days ago my family was planning our Thanksgiving dinner. My sis said " No WW points on Thanksgiving" & I said "Yeah, no calories on Thanksgiving 😊". I may gain a pound or 2 , but I'll get back to being careful after. You are more than your weight! You are an amazing, giving woman!! 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: SherryeB
dont worry, your fine.  
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: revolutionbaby
Remember that the weight is probably just water weight. You’d have to eat A LOT of calories to actually gain pounds of fat. Shake it off and get back to it. You’ll be ok! 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: Groatmeal
🦖💕🌈✨ Echoing everyone else, you are amazing and had a great time. Don’t beat yourself up, momma❣️ 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: adultosaur
Oh, dear people, I am so thankful for you. Your encouragement and advice and even comfort. Please, I want to reply to each of you, so please... I hope you will see! Dawnie, I think our mindset can get "maddening" I suspect a "break" for a day or so isn't the worst thing, but it is the feeling of sliding back toward my old choices is scary. Thank you... Helps to know you "get it!" 😁  
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
I wish we could 'like' the comments... so inspiring. Hope you're feeling better about things today. 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: FullaBella
RgaDawg! Thank you! I am so honored by your faith in me! I'm going to grab hold and do this! The table seats 10! There were extra chairs full and then people sitting all over on the floor. What a cozy, fun time! Thanksgiving is going to be... Very interesting! 😁  
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
Kenny, thank you! I want perfection! I want it while still being very human and trying to enjoy life. I'm trying to find balance on this journey. I have much to learn! 😁  
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
Princess! Oh girl! Almost in tears seeing your message this morning. If only to prove I am a tiny bit worthy of those kind words, I want to push forward to do better in every area of life. I think I am with you in knowing I will need to carefully monitor my intake for at least years to come. 47 years old and half of those years I struggled with poor eating and learned bad habits. It isn't reversed easily. I will be here a long time, Princess. Thank you for being you! You inspire me daily! At least I'm working out better and not just walking! I'm watching you! 😁 ❤️ 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
Stay strong! Don’t let one night of fun discourage you. You can do it! 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: xxmorganld
Wifey! ❤️ If I had only enjoyed the food while enjoying my guests, I wouldn't have felt badly, but it was the out of control, nervous "nibbling" as I prepared and throughout the night. I feel so blessed to have had these beautiful people share our food. I have heard from so many how they loved having this place to come and they want to come back... As often as we can have them. That just blesses me. I know food is not our "enemy" and I just need to find balance. When I am in that state of feeling it does not control me, it is pure freedom like you say!!! That is what I long for all of the time!!!  
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
Carol,you have hit it exactly! I need a real plan and stick to it as best I can. Maybe even write it down ahead of time? I think I will try that so I make better choices. Thank you for the reminder this is a journey for the rest of my life. I think I just got grabbed by the terror that I will fail and then just keep failing and falling down. Your words really give me strength! Thank you! 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
You will get there. I know you will. Love your honesty and determination. As we’ve emailed, I know you are genuine. You set a great example for us all! 💕💕 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: wifey9707
You got this! You already amazing so continue to walk in it love🌈🌈 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: enaausbrooks83
Thank you, Khrissy! I have so many fun pictures and videos! Oh the music and dancing... Teaching each other dances from their cultures. It was totally delightful and fun! It was like a California heat wave in my house with so many people... And loud!!!!! 😁  
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa
SherryeB! Thank you for your kind words! I have been so focused on my diet and weight it sometimes feels like it is "swallowing" my life. We are all more than this journey! Yes, we all need to let go and enjoy a day from time to time! Sadly, it is the doing that over and over and over that got me into a mess, so I am just scared and needing support! Wow! did I ever get it from you all! Thank you! And, do enjoy your non WW Thanksgiving with your people! I will enjoy my scale free day with mine too! 
19 nov. 19 por el miembro: melissatwa

     
 

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