When the heck did Thursday, May 1st get here? Seems like I was just sitting here trying to come up with a really cool prank for April Fool's Day. Which - was priceless, at least to an excitement deprived person like me. I found an online site with wavs of slot machines and would play them while phoning different people and telling them I was at a nearby casino and just got married. Then I'd fake 'bad cell phone reception' and hang up. Blondie's response was less than congratulatory. Imagine that.
Nonetheless - all things food, non sleeping activity, active participation in the no scale challenge - all about the same. I'm a little bit hungry right now but can't figure out what I want. I have been talking myself out of ordering pizza for a month now. I'm wondering if I should just do it, get it over with, and spend the rest of the week doing an oil pulling to get that greasy residue out of my mouth.
Mushy had a sleep over last night. Stick brought his little dog, Pepper, by so they could play. Not! Mushy has confirmed she's a dog after my own heart beginning with a reluctance to share her favorite toy (me) her food (even more selfish) or the attention of anyone alive within 50 miles. They finally both settled down in the recliner with me... on opposite sides. So in the 'sleep over' scoring column it's Mushy 1, Bella zero. That's just fine too.
A comment on Yo's journal this morning triggered a thought ala the reluctance with which we believe the compliments and flattery. Who did that to us? Or why did we do it to ourselves?
What happened to us that made us think we were un-lovea-ble, un-like-able, unworthy of praise, admiration, or fans? Surely to goodness this CANNOT be all related to carrying around extra weight!?! Where is that natural delusions of grandeur everyone else in the world seems to have been born with and retained as they grew up??
I know my Grandmother had a hand in the destruction of my self confidence. Even my Mother, a woman so horrid I thought the movie 'Mommie Dearest' was a comedy, was shocked by some of the things my GM would say. "I don't know why that person likes Bella..." and MD commented 'why wouldn't they?' Someone must have told 'her' (GM) she was unloveable too and she carried it forward. Just a thought. Nonetheless, I'm trying to get thru my days with a little more 'belief' the compliments are genuine and sincere. Doing a bit of Stuart Smalley daily affirmations.
Thinking about it ... So WHAT if I'm a little over the top? What if people start thinking I'm a bit 'fulla' myself. I am on the downward slide of life (or as they labeled it at my 50th Birthday "over the hill" ) anyway so it's about freaking time I had a little confidence about myself. Even if this one comes via 'fake it til I make it'. I'm getting much better about NOT deflecting compliments with arguments. Geez, what better way to make people stop giving me a gift other than refusing it. I may not even arm wrestle for a few checks at dinner a while. Time to cash in on the love and adoration. *snort*
Need to get the *snort* under control though. Grace is taking me to 'high tea' at a fancy schmancy hotel this Saturday. I've been practicing my 'pinky in the air' tea sip for two days. Now if I can just master the 'not dropping finger sandwiches in my lap' or 'not yawning with food in my mouth' moves. It sounds like a snore. But she's gone along with enough of my 'ideas' I need to honor this one even if it does require wearing shoes.
Had a fabulous deep tissue massage yesterday ((even fell asleep during some of it)) and slept wonderful last night. Wish I had the time and resources to get that two - three times a week. I am truly recognizing just how tightly I've been wound for far too many years. I truly recommend this as a reward for those of you tracking your NSV's or even the SV's.
Well, that's about it. Thought I'd try to get a serious journal submitted after the silliness the past couple of days. I have been trying to recover my 'happy go lucky' demeanor after the travel weekend sucked it out of me. However, it can be challenging. One of the things that surprised me the most was, when voicing my displeasure about the situation to customer service, I was made to feel the blame for not 'getting loud and getting in their face'. Seriously? This is how we handle things now? Is everything to be conducted as if we're on reality TV? How many times 'should' I use the 'F-Word' to get satisfaction?
Thank you, but no. I prefer to go about life thinking if you offer a specific service and I pay you for that .. that you'll deliver. Without me resorting to PDA's (in this case, public displays of aggression).
Because, well, I deserve it! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!
Thank you for stopping by and visiting with me.
Bella
