This morning I celebrated another half dozen gardenia's blooming as well as a couple of dozen rosebuds flowering. I'm inspired reading the journals of my buddies here pulling out the good china, wearing their dressy clothes and more. I wish I were responsible for the theory but it came to me via Roth's book but wasn't the first time to hear / read it either. Just great to get the reminder. So I'm wearing one of my new blouses - even though it's white! - and am very dressed up and wearing a little both Dior and Chanel.
AS for the 'winnings' bragged about in my previous journal - yes, that was twice in May (flipping calendar over, finally today) but really 'not' new for me. I have always been incredibly lucky with slot machines - I consider it the after effect of working all those years surrounded by computers; a 'one of us' sort of payback.
About ten years ago when I worked in NM there was a casino w/in 3 miles of my corporate apartment and I went out there about 3x a week and always won. Well, almost Always. About 90% of the time. Weird. It became more like 'going to work' than 'winning'. Weird but true.
I'm a terrible 'gambler'... I can't count cards, have no poker face, and seriously cannot follow a game of dice if my life depended on it. Slots are easy and have always rewarded me.
BUT, I don't EVER count on it, rarely go to a casino more than a half dozen times a year at most, nor gamble more than I can afford. Fortunately, in a way, food still continues to be my 'last man standing' vice of over indulgence. IN the world of so many other options, I suppose it's the tamest.
I'm making my weekends 'Be Kinder to Bella's Body' days. During the week I wear my posture bra and body slimmer. I do this to remind myself to sit and stand straight, hold in my stomach to hopefully recover SOME memory in those muscles and it's just a general 'hug' and reminder when I eat.
It's not for vanity because I still wear a 'big shirt' over all of this. I really like my body in the mirror reflection of how slimming a longer shirt makes me appear. It goes against all fashion rules.. I think.. but I like the look. So I go with it.
On the weekends though, I don't wear my 'under armor'. And yet, I still received the comment Saturday evening 'you look as if you've lost more weight'.
And my body is enjoying the 'kinder' weekends and rewarding me. Not with a scale because I've still not stepped on one. Not with another size down because I'm just wearing what I have.
But with ... happiness. I woke happy. Yesterday I had a great 'country breakfast' (bacon, egg, biscuit and gravy) and then made cinnamon rolls in the waffle maker - iced with cream cheese frosting.
I nibbled on them, not logging them in and freaking out at the calories. I didn't eat all of them.. I probably did eat more than one but not three... and I enjoyed the taste. Once I was finished.. I threw them away because I know for now the 'visual' of them still there would tempt me although the physical craving for them was gone.
And I didn't do math all night in bed... I just .. ate, stopped when I no longer wanted to .. and painted. And played in my garden. My day was wonderful.
I have the body armor on again this morning. Sitting straight. Breathing. Smiling.
And another week is in progress.
Bella
