Diario de FullaBella, 29 ene. 13

I need to find a book, inspiration, song, something, to help me get out of my way. I don't know if it's lack of confidence because of so many failures at this or just poor self esteem or just a lifelong cynical attitude but something's gotta give.

I was down another pound this morning. I NEVER celebrate these moments.I always start second guessing with the 'it's a fluke' talk. This morning my FIRST thought was 'well, you didn't get enough water yesterday, you're probably dehydrated.' As if I couldn't possibly be doing it right. What's that all about?

Like, a few weeks back when I hit my plateau and I decided 'maybe I need to challenge my metabolism' so I increased my calories. When I had a 5lb loss my response was 'eh, just ironic timing.' When I lost 3 more, same thing. Can't I just be happy?

So this week when I decided 'ok, lost 9lbs on the high cal way, let's go to a decreased cal mode for a couple of weeks, give the liver a break and see what happens...' I dropped a pound? That can't be right.. it must be ironic timing.

I walked around the house finishing my morning tasks mulling this attitude over.

I'm wondering what it's like to feel pure joy. Uninterrupted 'whoohoo' moments versus this constant self doubt, second guessing, trying to protect myself from being too happy.

It reminds me of a line from a movie questionning the character about 'living your life as if the bottom could fall out any minute' and the character responded 'that's because... it usually did...' I'm thinking it was the YaYa but I'm too busy right now to get that accurate.

SO, I'm I recorded this weight today. I'm not going to WAIT three days anymore. MAYBE if I celebrate things on the day they HAPPEN instead of waiting for 'nothing bad to happen' I'll have more joy?

If nothing else, it should cheer up the scale bot. It seemed so depressed the other day.

Ahh.. it did. You lost 1.0 lb (0.5 %) since you last weighed in on Saturday 26 Jan 13. At that rate it will take you about 5 months to get to your goal weight. The other day it gave me a year to reach goal. Before that it was predicting April. Does that thing run hot & cold or what?


BTW - when it asks on weigh in 'how closely followed' is it talking about the weight or the diet? Just wondering. I never change it. Even with my OCD I don't follow anything 100%. I probably enter & subtract food a dozen times a day on my diary between the 'planning' and 'actual'.

Heck, it's worth a shot. Cause this thing I'm doing now - it isn't working.

Then again, maybe I just need some sunshine! I hate these dreary overcast days. I know we have to take it all one day at a time, as if two days at a time were an option. If it were, it'd be SPRINGTIME here at Bellawood.

Thank you for reading. Go outside and play now.
Bella

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1300 kcal

Grasa: 41,90g | Prot: 119,47g | Carbh: 113,42g.   Desayuno: Muesli, Egg, Kraft 2% Swiss, Hormel Black Label, Coffee, Egg White. Almuerzo: Mushrooms, Fresh Express Coleslaw, Romaine Lettuce Hearts, Fat Free Balsamic, Cherry Tomato, Roasted Chicken Hen. Cena: Starkist Albacore Tuna Water, Cherry Tomato, Fat Free Balsamic, Romaine Lettuce Hearts, Fresh Express Coleslaw. Pasa Bocas / Otros: 100 Cal Almond, Fat Free Cottage Cheese, Schwan Triple. más...

2160 kcal

Ejercicio: Durmiendo - 24 horas. más...