Diario de unity1234, 14 dic. 23

I am totally relate 

Yeah, agreed. I felt like I was doing good the past two weeks but I gained 5 pounds. 😭 You're amazing and bouncing around really does suck.  

Liv, thank you for connecting with me on this. I try to remember that this is not a short trip with a specific destination that brings me to 'the end.' Some days it is tougher to remember this than others. Some days I seem to believe I am a robot and then I am surprised when my body acts like an alive thing... if my perception is the most influential component of this journey, what beliefs are influencing my perception? Just recording my thoughts here and so apologies if it seems as though I am talking at you instead of with you. 💙 

JC_suburbangothcatmom, thanks so much for being here with me right now. The mind game feels like the only game. Maybe that is just me, but sometimes I feel as though if I can relax with the 'foreverness' of this journey then I will place myself in a better headspace. What does it mean when there's no finish line? It means something for sure. I have been maintaining my weight. I am now really focused on the psychological aspect of what this weight management thing means to me. If this weight (give or take 5lbs) is what feels good, what does it mean to respect that about myself? There are some beliefs about worthiness in there... maybe some of them are outdated and need to get tossed out. 💙 

Same. But lately for me it seems to be working the other way. lol. When I see my weight drop lower than I want it too it’s like a free pass to eat not only more of all the good stuff but also “junk”. 

honeebuns, and I would never call that 'wrong.' Getting a reward is so fun! It is the consistency that matters. I know you know this, and I am just closing circles, connecting dots etc. But I notice I attack myself when life acts like life. A reward is one thing, defeatist thoughts are another thing entirely. Defeatist thoughts tell me stuff like, 'it will remain bad.' The underlying fear is something along the lines of, 'I am not capable of managing myself.' It is a belief about being incomplete on my own.  

Totally 💯 head game! I do the same!!!  

and only you set the rules of the game 

Runs4Fitness, yes! The idea that I am failing is panic inducing for me. I will believe I need to make this idea of failure-pain go away. Instead of looking at what is bothering me logically, I will start to focus on the idea that I am failing and there is no way out. I must reach for something (someone, some activity, or some pleasurable experience like chocolate) to make the pain go away. I want to escape it. I don't want to face it. This inevitably means I will betray myself because all of the escape tactics are based in the idea that I must run away from the pain instead of believing I am capable of weathering the storm. I believe the storm is a permanent fixture and not just passing by. 

Joe, I think what you say is accurate. At the end of the day, words are crappy communicators. They are just noises that come out of our face. It is the meaning we assign to the words that matter. But the meanings we each assign are not exactly uniform. That is why a good writer is gold. A good writer chooses words carefully. The word 'failure' has meanings that can be broad depending upon the person. There are societal beliefs and cultural stories loaded into the word 'failure.' But if you believe failure is simply another way of saying: that was my next best step; well, that is just not the same as: this mistake is a permanent fixture. 💙 

jasonmiller1, yes! I am who I say I am. My experience is what I say it is. 💙 Thank you for that! 

I am with you hundred percent in that thinking. You are so right . I self sabotage all the time I’m not saying that you do, but I definitely do. 

I’m there right now! I’m definitely in a funk. Maintenance is difficult to maneuver sometimes but at end of the day I know that I’m the only one who can change my direction….It’s a head game for sure! 

ocean_girl, I have made a life of self-sabotage. 💙 But it does not need to continue. I started this path looking for happiness. I decided to change and control my body because I thought it would make me happy. It did bring me satisfaction, for sure. But the moment I reached my goal, I realized my mind simply gravitated to the next thing, and the next, and the next. Looking for happiness is like trying to fill a bottomless pit. Eventually, I had to accept that I alone was able to choose to create my own happy. Am I happy all the time? Nope. But I am trying to live with the idea that I can be sad and still okay. I can choose sadness, and then send the sadness away. I can choose to behave contrary to my values in an attempt to get pleasure, or I can weather the storm and believe I can create happiness from the inside out. 

Diana, me too. But you know, I was thinking about nature. Assigning value judgements to life situations is only something people do. Nature doesn't do that. Nature adapts to change but it doesn't 'care' about the outcome. Nature doesn't get mad at life. Sure, unwanted physical sensations associated with identifiable stimuli will result in adaptations that may in include aggressive behavior in animals but this is still not resentment, bitterness, judgement or anger. Aggression is not anger. Aggression can be a physical manifestation of anger. Anger is an emotion. Aggression is behavior. So if nature can be with life situations that are not preferable by adapting, so can I. I just remember that I can only control myself.  

You nailed it, Unity!! That is me to a Tee!! Always striving for that immediate gratification from numbers. Got to retrain our mindsets. 

The hardest part of any goal is what happens after you reach it IMO 🤔 that’s when you have to start dealing with what’s left: you, your mind. This was an interesting thread to read, good food for thought about why self sabotage happens 

And sometimes adapting does not mean a change of anything other than a change in the way I am looking at thing. A change of perception. Ok. All better. Thanks for allowing me to record, and for some of you be present for, my rant. 

WindyD, I struggle with this regularly. The funny thing about reaching a goal is that's when you might realize that the attainment of the goal can't give you the happiness you seek. I keep thinking it will. But I think happiness might be inner peace regarding inherent change of life. 💙 

dd, something tells me that you get me. 💙