Diario de melissatwa, 22 abr. 20

During these times many are struggling with dieting or maintaining. I think you are doing good all things considered! Will your gym be opening up soon? Ours is supposed to open on May 1st! If it’s packed I plan on driving on by though. 

damablack, thanks! ❤️🌸 Peeper, I wish I was doing better, but thanks so much for your kind words. 🤗 I think our gym won't open until after the 18th or more likely the end of the month. I'm running, walking, hand tilling up a new garden space, lifting... Poorly. I'm just not doing any of it consistently enough. I'm actually feeling so much better since posting this last night...you guys have helped me so much to feel ready to get back to work!  

Melissatwa, I don't know if you saw a few weeks back, but I needed a friend to kick me in the butt and hold me accountable over sitting on my a$$ feeling glum or working out which is how I got the 30 swims in 30 days thing going for me (he texts me, too). which I'm going to go ahead and do again while we're stuck here. figure out a goal, post it here and let your FS friends hold you accountable if that's what it takes.  

Melissa, my dear friend, you are wise and intelligent and in tune with what you need to accomplish whatever it is you want. Of course you may stall from time to time, but you always continue on. Like that day we took that walk by the lake, you got to where you were going with ease and confidence. Adjustments are all individual and I am positive you will do just fine. ❤ 

From my personal experience of losing a significant amount of weight two times and gaining back both times (60lbs the first time, gained all back, then 100lbs second time, gained back 33 and in the process of losing that) - I feel that one mindset that is "fat person mentality" is that a lot of people that struggle with weight tend to beat themselves up for bad foods and all of that guilt can make us have an all or nothing attitude and fall off the wagon longer than a person with a "thin mentality" would....I've come to believe that it's all about getting right back up the next meal and not beating yourself up too much! Good luck....and don't worry - everybody and their mother is having a tough time I know lately keeping myself busy is helping A LOT with my desire to eat out of anxiety, depression and boredom during this time - will be doing some gardening myself tomorrow :). 

That is so super, Katsolo! I see you are swimming, but I didn't know your 30 in 30! That is so great. Yes, accountability is really key. Chrisw77 and dhatura, my local legends, have been a help to me. Chris hears about my expenditures of energy and dhatura has me weighing daily... So I at least "know." I'm thinking about making a commitment to recording my weight here daily for a couple weeks. I have never done that, but I see people finding success in that kind of accountability. I am also working to record every bite.  

Becky! You know me, my struggles, and so many of the reasons behind them. Thank you for your encouragement and your confidence in me. I waver and slip... Every few months I seem so close to having serious trouble, but I am so determined to keep going. It is feeling so vulnerable to failure that keeps me here, which then keeps me humble... I am so grateful that my pleas for help are answered with such kindness and understanding! I owe you guys such a debt of gratitude!  

Sharon, Thank you so much for taking the time to share that with me. I have to agree. I have slid up and down the scale too. You are a rockstar to lose 100! but I do understand. Just last night we were watching old home videos. As we flipped through I was silently thinking how fat I looked and then six month later... thin again. Then after another baby and/or just time gone by and I was clearly up another 50 or more. I don't want to have that "fat mentality" of thinking once I've blown it I may as well really "enjoy" myself. Or, just make myself miserable because of my food choices for the day. I noticed something you said in your journal about wanting to really savor your food once you get back to eating. I know when I am being careful, I enjoy my food so much more. I make choices that I will truly enjoy rather than shoveling in whatever will fill the hole of sadness, boredom, stress, etc... keeping busy sure helps! I am sad that we have tons of rain for the next while, but I'll be back in my garden soon!  

I understand the difficulty of maintenance. Take one change at a time...like get back with the water, then the walking or exercise, then getting back with food - it relives th sense of overwhelm taking one step at a time to get back to basics. 

Thank you, HCB! I get what you mean. One success flows into another. Motivation gained in one area somehow makes the other steps easier. I think emotions are so impacted by positive choices. Even 24 hours of success makes the next 24 hours seem possible to keep the momentum going.  

Melissa - it sounds like you are doing much better than I am! My eating isn't good. But I am really not stressing about it. I DON'T want to go to the grocery store so have been eating lots of canned and packaged food. I am not walking now at all because my allergies are so bad. I know my weight is up, but am not stepping on the scale, except once or twice. I have so much anxiety about wanting to avoid the coronavirus at all costs. I did go to the grocery store yesterday, for the first time in over 3 weeks and got some vegetables and fruit, but just a little because I don't want to waste any food. I was excited to find cream of mushroom soup! Love your picture - I have lots of yellow irises all over my property and am enjoying my deck now that the rotten deck rails have been replaced. Even with my allergies I've been going out on the deck right before it gets dark and lay on a lounge looking at the stars and listening to the frogs. Right now just trying to stay sane is enough!  

Melissa, I have been struggling the last few months, and while I haven't gained, I have basically maintained instead of loosing, which is not my goal. Weight loss is, first of all, mental; we have to get into the right mindset in order to succeed. So, I have my problem a great deal of thought, and I'm having more success lately by playing a few mind games. In the morning I log my whole meal plan for the day; it may change as the day progresses, but I'm always aware of how many calories I have available for the rest of the day. I have a rule that I will not eat after dinner (or snack if I have one planned) until after 8:00 am (tea with 1 teaspoon of honey is allowed). If I am craving unplanned food, I make myself wait 15 minutes, drink a large glass of water and begin a task that involves my hands (not reading or TV) so that I cannot eat and work at the same time. As you know, success inspires success, so I am finding the going easier as I begin to lose weight again. I also find inspiration by reading success stories on FS, there are so many, people who have lost so much more than I need to and have kept it off. I know you can do this, and I hope I have helped just a tiny bit. And always remember, 🎵Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.🎶 💖 

Sorry about the spelling errors... 

Dearest beaching loving, Fritzy! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Not being able to walk because of allergies is a huge loss. Not having fresh food in the house makes a good diet difficult. Hang in there, girl! I'm glad you can enjoy your critters... both your tame and wild ones that I am sure are coming to visit your yard! I think a good goal is to try to stay stable right now... mentally and as much as we can maintain. Show a picture of your irises and new deck! Enjoy the choir of frogs! 

Thank you so much, Shirfleur! We have been at this a while haven't we? I know you have really been gaining momentum again the last little bit, and that is just awesome! I haven't even been maintaining, and that is so disappointing. I am so disappointed with myself. I think you have some really good ideas. Some I do already and several I haven't tried yet. You are right that this is so mental. I can decide I am going to fast for a day and going around 30 or so hours quite easily... I don't waver because I have decided. But, when I am eating and my daughter makes some delightful creation, I can easily convince myself I must have as much as possible and enjoy it NOW...I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, right? I know for sure I could have some the next day when I have a new bank account of calories to spend, and she wouldn't mind at all. I don't want to!! It is so mental! Anyway, thank you, and you have helped... more than a "bit!" Knowing I have people here who care and understand this battle is an enormous help.  

One thing I do when eating something high calorie and delicious, is allow myself three bites and I savor each bite slowly. 

Thank you, shirfleur. Good advice for sure! Chris, Chris... You suck! But, gosh I'm glad for your support! 😁 😁 😁 I'm not confident. I have never felt strong. Being "successful" at losing my weight almost came as a surprise. I'd only been under 150 at my wedding a zillion years ago and then for about five minutes about 14 years ago. But I really really got it through my head that it was the help and support here and the ability to log easily which made the difference. I have hope... Hope someday this journey will be second nature to me. I'll be the you or Kenna or Steven or John in my future. Until then, I'm not gonna suck... Well I'm not gonna give up even if I suck! 😁  

💕I won't bother to write a big, long paragraph. If I had flowers this pretty in my yard- It could easily be my post. Just up and down and learning to live with it and start over repeatedly. Just woke up and consumed 500 calories of graham crackers and peanut butter at 1 a.m. and realizing as I type that I forgot to log the milk. Do I want to stick it on yesterday's or start ruining today. I opted for yesterday's calories. Maybe I'll do better when I wake up in the morning. Maybe not. Guess I did write a big, long paragraph. Time for bed. ;) 

Did I say 500 calories? It was 975 calories. How quickly I forgot how much peanut butter I can eat and how fast it adds up. I think I will give it up until after the gyms reopen. Spur of the moment decision. No more peanut butter since I can't control myself right now. :(  

Yeah- I feel like maybe I should be more upset and give myself a good talking to- but I don't care enough. screw it. 🤸🏼‍♀️👍🏼